February 4, 2026

"I no longer believe that infidelity is the worse thing that can happen to a marriage."

—Nancy Pickard (from this week's podcast episode)

Victim Blaming?

This comment was posted on Spotify following the release of our most recent episode, Deciding to Stay in Your Marriage: The Involved Partner:
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I wish I could talk with this person directly. Critics rarely reach out personally, and reactions are often triggered by a single phrase rather than the fuller context. Still, behind comments like this are real people, real pain, and real experiences of betrayal.
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So let me be clear—again.
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We do not believe that betrayed partners share responsibility for an affair. We do not believe that an affair automatically indicates problems in the relationship. Sometimes it does; sometimes it doesn’t. And even when a marriage has struggled, those struggles are never an excuse for infidelity. Other choices could always have been made.
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If a betrayed partner chooses to stay in the marriage, healing requires more than identifying who caused the betrayal. It also involves honestly examining the marriage that existed before it and taking responsibility for one’s own role in rebuilding what was damaged.
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A betrayed partner may be the only victim of the affair itself. But if the marriage had faltered, they may not have been the only one wounded within it. Acknowledging that distinction is not about assigning fault—it’s about making healing possible.

Podcast Episode #41: Deciding to Stay: The Injured Partner​

My interview with Nancy Pickard, a certified Relational Life Institute coach, about the unique considerations of the betrayed partner who chooses to stay in their marriage.

Podcast Episode #40: Deciding to Leave Your Marriage: Emotions, Relationships, and Religion​

Sharon Barbour, Affair Healing counselor and coach, joins me in this second part of the "Deciding to Leave" series. In this episode, we discuss grief, shame, coparenting, starting new relationships, and the religious viewpoints that some have to consider.

Rising Phoenix's Penultimate Post

In her second-to-last post, Rising Phoenix writes about The Last Three Years and the Marriage We Built. ​
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But this isn't the last we'll hear from Rising. Stay tuned for updates!

If you had an affair and need help, I'd love to connect with you. Tell me your story and I'll give you some personal feedback. I've been there. No judgement. No catch.