Nov 19, 2025

"There is a difference between accountability and cruelty. Accountability says, 'I see what I did, I understand why, and I will do better.' Cruelty says, 'I am unforgivable. I am broken beyond repair.'"​
—Steve De'lano Garcia

Failure. It shows up in every affair-healing story. It threads its way through nearly all the resources I create.
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And when our failure is significant, shame usually barges in—sometimes shouting accusations, sometimes whispering ridicule. It grabs our attention. It keeps us stuck. It shrinks us.
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Shame stands shoulder-to-shoulder with our guilt and waves it around like proof that we’re unworthy. It slams closed the door to a good future and locks it shut.
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But something else stands there, too—quieter, calmer, offering a message we often miss beneath shame’s noise.
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Forgiveness is the gentler but stronger truth. It doesn’t erase guilt; it reminds us that guilt doesn’t have naming rights on our lives. We can feel remorse, learn from it, and grow into something better.
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As we step toward forgiveness, shame throws its little tantrum… then slowly fades as forgiveness hands us the key to the door.

​Recovery Room Episode #31​

In this second episode of the series, Kevin describes his first Christmas after leaving, moments of connection with his kids, tense exchanges with his ex, new conflicts with his partner, and the complicated emotions that surfaced when he learned his wife had started a relationship of her own.
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​Coming in next week's episode: Conversations with Kevin during the second year after he left his family.

​The Quietest Part of the Storm​

As she continues telling her story, "Rising Phoenix" describes how infidelity shattered her sense of self, plunging her into fog, panic, and eventually a diagnosis of complex PTSD that finally explained her unraveling. She describes the painful tension of staying, breaking, and slowly beginning to heal while still unsure of what remains.

What Else Is New...

• Video: The Science of Lasting Love​
  Relationship advice from 50+ years of marriage and decades of research by Doctors Julie & John Gottman.
• Post: Punishing Yourself​
  A powerful message that argues for forgiveness and growth over failure and shame (and the source of this email's opening quote).