April 22, 2026

You've heard my side; now hear hers. I sat down with my ex-wife to talk about our marriage, my affair, and life after divorce. It's an open, honest conversation you can hear in the brand-new series releasing next week on The Affair Recovery Room podcast.

"Feelings are real, but they're not facts."

—Kayla Crane, podcast interview

Your Feelings are Rooted in Your Past

When someone has an affair, they rarely describe it as a calculated decision. More often, they say something like: It just felt right. I felt alive again. I felt seen. To them, those feelings become facts, but they fail to recognize how their perspective has been shaped by beliefs that were established early in their life.
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The same is true on the other side of betrayal. For many betrayed partners, the discovery of an affair lands directly on top of something that was already there—a childhood belief about their own worth that never fully healed.
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The affair didn't create that feeling. It detonated it.
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Understanding this doesn't make the affair hurt less, and it doesn't shift the responsibility for it. But it does something important: it separates what happened from what it means. Your feelings about the affair are real. They deserve to be taken seriously. But they may not be telling you the complete truth about yourself or your marriage. Learning to hear the difference is some of the most important work in affair healing.

Podcast Episode: Old Wounds, New Hurts​
My conversation with therapist Kayla Crane about the childhood roots of adult behavior and what that has to do with infidelity.

Video: Understanding Start-Stop Relationships​
Part of understanding infidelity and our reactions to it requires us to understand our love patterns.

Figuring Out What's Next for Affair Healing

Affair Healing launched in 2009, and over the following decade, I steadily built out its resources until COVID prompted a hiatus that lasted a few years. Last year, I brought it back with a refreshed website, a new podcast, and this newsletter. I gave myself one year to evaluate what was resonating and what wasn't.
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If you're reading this, you're in rare company. Roughly 5% of subscribers make it this far. (Seriously, well done!) That makes your opinion especially valuable. A survey is coming soon, and I'd love your honest thoughts on where all this goes from here.