April 1, 2026

I love a good April Fool's joke, but this email doesn't include any. Just the real stuff...

"[Healing] started when I admitted I was scared—when I stopped performing "progress" and allowed my pain to be seen, held, and honored."

—Michelle, aka Rising Phoenix

Who Should You Tell?

Not every story needs to be shared with the world. When Michelle and her husband first faced the aftermath of infidelity in their marriage, they were certain of one thing: no one would ever know. Shame had made that decision for them before they even realized it.
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But over time, something shifted. They began to see that their experience, far from being a source of embarrassment, had become a source of encouragement that others might need. Now, Michelle shares openly, including on AffairHealing.com and in this week's podcast interview. Their story is a reminder that shame is a poor counselor.
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My own decision to be open about my experience grew from a similar place. Given the nature of my work, I felt I had a choice: either keep my past hidden and help people from behind a kind of careful distance, or step into full authenticity and trust that my own experience would deepen the connection I have with the people I serve. I chose the latter, and I've never regretted it.
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That said, openness is not the only valid path. Some stories are shared wisely with a few trusted people; others are kept appropriately private. What matters is not the audience but the motive. The real question worth asking is this: Is my silence rooted in wisdom, or is it rooted in shame? Shame-driven secrecy keeps us isolated and stuck. Wisdom-driven privacy protects without hiding.
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Consider this: never let shame dictate your choices, and never let secrecy become dishonesty. You don't owe your story to the public, but you may owe it to someone going through their own experience of failure, including, someday, your own children. Be ready for that conversation. It may be the most healing one you've ever had.

​My Interview with Michelle, Part 1​
Michelle, known online as Rising Phoenix, opens up about discovering her husband's affair, surviving the trauma, and the long first year that tested everything.

​Free eBook Download​
Michelle re-edited and re-formatted her series of posts into a 20-chapter eBook about her experience of betrayal and healing. Download it for yourself, of pass it on to someone who may benefit from it.

What Else Is New...

• ​430 Sessions: What Dave Grohl's Recovery Tells Us​
  ​Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl gave an extended public interview about his infidelity scandal. Here are some thoughts about what he said.
• ​Affairs & Smartphones​
  ​The way affairs start has changed. The phone in your pocket is a big reason why.

If you had an affair and need help, I'd love to connect with you. Tell me your story and I'll give you some personal feedback. I've been there. No judgement. No catch.